The Journal of his Delights

This is just… awesome.

Brilliant! Go AI!

I fly back to the United States today. What an amazing adventure it’s been! Everything from SOAS to Cambodia to Japan. And the interesting thing this week? Going back to the US feels like graduation. Like somehow all the travel was a part of the academic program I set out to do back in September 2006, even though the scope has gone way beyond the academic and that I had absolutely no idea any of it would be happening. (Although Cambodia was not surprising.)

And this return to the United States signals the end of the experience, or perhaps more accurately, a transition in its nature. Yes, it definitely feels like graduation, and the interesting synchronicity is that I received an email from SOAS yesterday letting me know I have my MSc in Development Studies.

So it’s official - both formally and informally.

A new phase in the adventure is about to begin!

I managed to get 6 hours sleep last night, so I’m feeling much more coherent today. I’m still sick - that much is obvious - but I’m not feeling quite so stretched out.

The good news is that I took advantage of the opportunity to send out my first US resume. Ooh… and the job’s really, really cool.

A writer’s got to eat, and might as well do something fabulous at the same time, right? Keep your fingers crossed kids.

But the interesting thing is that it sucks everywhere. Okay, I can’t say everywhere since my sample of countries isn’t large, but I can definitely say that it’s sucked everywhere I’ve been.

Yes, that means I’m still not well, but hopefully I’m over the worst of it. And no, I didn’t sleep that much last night either. I’m supposed to write a cover letter and tweak my resume today for an interesting job in the Bay Area (among other things to do), but I don’t know that I’d trust myself to come up with anything coherent.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. *fingers crossed*

I wrote this poem three years ago. It’s specifically about love, but I think it also applies to anything that you’re passionate about and willing to risk for…

—–

The Crucible

Love speaks a riddle, and
our place -
to untangle its heart,
to read it more clearly.
Not to find its answer, mind.
Surely that is understood,
how answers are overrated.

The riddle transforms
and its question transmutes
base flesh to gold,
the mystery the stars teach us -
fire within fire,
secret within secret.

The question love asks:
Are you willing to become
your own crucible?
To melt,
burn away,
and find yourself
refined.

I apologize for not updating in a while. It’s been over a week since my last entry. Originally, I was only going to take a couple-of-days break, but mid-week last week, I suddenly felt emotionally exhausted. Transitions are hard, and transformations are harder still. And that’s what I feel like I’ve been doing these past two months, six months, year, 2-3 years. One long continuous process of turning point after turning point, and this period in Fukuoka has been no different. If anything, I’ve been blessed. Lucky beyond all imagining.

My friend Lowie provided a safe haven. A place to stay and explore my opportunities in Japan. While doing that, I’ve been somewhat adrift. I would exert energy to paddle here and there, but in the end, I would end up in the same spot not having moved at all. No matter how many resumes I sent out, the timing was fundamentally wrong. What did happen, however, was reflection. Constant reflection on what I wanted, who I was, what I wanted to be. But having been set adrift, I got a chance to feel the waters. To sense the hidden rudder. And it may come as no surprise to anyone who’s been reading this blog, but what I felt… what I determined… was that writing makes me the happiest.

Yes, my time in Fukuoka has born fruit in a completely unexpected fashion. To be sure, I knew that I wanted to write, but what’s become clear is just how much I want it. And this is an old dream - one that I had given up on, and if anything, the realization that it is still well and alive is a shock. A scary one, because the path ahead will not be easy. But then again, when is life ever easy? And besides, I’m willing to test myself against this dream, this ambition. To do otherwise would deny a fundamental part of who I am. And I’m done with that. I’d rather walk into the fire and see what gets burned away in the crucible. To see what becomes refined as base metal turns into gold.

Anyway, getting to this place has taken a lot of work, and this is the long way of saying that I was tired last week. And the past couple of days, I’ve been saddled with a cough so I haven’t been sleeping that well. I’ve been taking it easy, so hopefully I’ll have it kicked by tomorrow or so.

If the above sounds a little reflective, that’s because it is. Since I wasn’t able to find a job by the time of my return ticket (1 December), I’m heading back to the United States. And while I’ll miss Japan (a lot), heading back is good too. That’s one of the great things about having only good things to choose from. In this instance, I don’t think there are any bad choices.

So what lays ahead? I’ll spend a week or so in Los Angeles to spend time with family and friends. All the while, I’ll be planning my next steps, and I’ve already started to look into some options. My strongest suspicion is that I’ll choose to do that which scares me most. But more on that later…

As promised, here is the final match of the day between champion Hakuho versus challenger Kotoshogiku.

A very short slideshow is also at Flickr. Some samples:

Thanks to Lowie and her friend Yumiko, I got to see Sumo this past Sunday. It was the first day of a 15-day tournament. It was so interesting! And I really enjoyed the experience!

Outside the Sumo Hall, it was a combination of sport and celebrity. There were fans waiting to see and root for their favorites. The same was true inside the foyer where the concessions were located. People gathered to greet the wrestlers. Once past the concessions, were the bleachers and at the center, the ring. Want to hear something interesting? Continue Reading »

It was a productive day today. While I heard back from two places saying no, another seven resumes went out. Nova going down in flames has opened the door at other schools who now have to meet an increased demand. There are still a lot of people looking for work though, and I have no frickin’ idea if all this will pay off somehow but I’m enjoying myself immensely. Rather weird actually. Job hunting is one of the most stressful, self-esteem eroding, soul sucking processes around, but apparently not today nor yesterday nor the week and month before that. Oh sure, I’ve had my moments. The oh-my-god-what-the-*&*%-am-I-supposed-to-do waking up at 3 am in a panic. But they’ve been isolated incidents. I’m doing my best, and because I know that, then whatever happens, happens.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the process (as much as it’s possible), and enjoy the opportunities that I have. And let me tell you - how absolutely lucky and blessed I feel that I am to be able to do what I’ve been doing. Truly.

So another seven resumes out the door. I’m half way into my allotted time in Fukuoka. We’ll see what happens.

Just in case not enough in my life has changed…

I’m not sure yet whether I like it or not. It’ll take some getting used to. I don’t think I’ve been sans facial hair for any length of time since I was 14 or 15. Something like that.

The reason? Partly to see what it looked like and partly to boost my chances landing a teaching gig. Neat and clean cut are important when dealing with children-related occupations in Japan. (And I suppose everywhere else too, although definitions shift depending on location.)